Updated: Jul 23
Event took place on 7/30/21
I’ve been picking this battle with my family about how much television my nephew is subjected to and to be honest, it's not that much at all. I just had some paranoia to work out and I misplaced my fear onto my family, but there we were watching Horton Hears a Who with my father and my nephew on a Saturday afternoon.
I have a hard time in general these days sitting still to watch anything since we’ve been stuck for so long during this pandemic. It’s like my senses can’t take the loud visual anymore. “I feel like the literal elephant in the room!”, and I storm out to the foyer bench to stare out the window at the sky and ask God a million questions in my head.
My mother comes around to talk to me, but I have her toned out. It’s not to be mean, I love my mother as if the umbilical cord is still attached, but at this point I don’t feel like my family really listens to me and it’s been a frustrating time in my growth. That may happen in your walk, but remember it’s you that’s changing, not them. Deep breaths, forgiveness, and don’t give up. I grab my phone and head to social media – everyone’s outlet. One scroll and I stop on this hip, young, urban preacher and as I listen, ‘what? it’s who?!’
“What if God’s wants for you looks nothing like what you want for yourself? You just made it up, ‘oh, no, no, no, I’m gonna graduate, and when I graduate he’s going to be 6’6”, he’s going to have six figures, and we’re gonna have six kids, and I’m gonna drive a Mercedes 600’ And then when you’re living in a one bedroom apartment at thirty-four, no kids, and a Toyota Camry, which is exactly where God wants you right now because he’s developing something in you… so frustrated because not that God left you, it's your list doesn’t look like your life.”
Thanks YHWH, just answered that thought real fast. I am literally all of those things the evangelist said. Thirty-four, no kids, living alone in my bedroom apartment, and I drive a Toyota Camry. I’m 5’10” so 6 ft. is a must at the very least I will not give up my heels! Spoiled so the six figures is low ballin it, and a Mercedes was my dream car for awhile until I upgraded my dream to a Range Rover, but I’ll settle for a G-Wagon. It took me six years to graduate college and Am I going to have six kids?! The best part, my family got to witness this moment and see for themselves how God communicates to us if we have the patience to listen. He speaks through us to get the message across.
Friends, I’ve been frustrated ever since my business closed in March and even more frustrated learning how far astray I’ve come from my original goals. Not the superficial goals listed above, but the goals I had growing up of being a mom, a nurturer, a housewife or as I like to call it Executive Vice President to Chief Operating Officer. I want to live on land, have space not just for animals, but space for trees, a pool, and some chillins.
To my family, I imagined it like the backyard with the treehouse where Max roamed, the trees that lined the driveway with the gravel that pops along the tires, a garden filled with all the berries, a patio: peaceful and inviting like the hidden bench along the path, creeks with tadpoles, and a homemade pool that never gave up. And a hot tub, of course.
And yet, “My list is less than God’s best for me.”
Thank you @jesuskingclub_24x7 for sharing @minase.adane at the perfect time exactly. I don’t follow you so maybe I should be thanking Instagram for the Algorithm. To all the parties, thank you!