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Baby Steps

Updated: Jul 23, 2022

Written on 8/25/21

I am a believer in Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior, He is Risen, and He is Good. I didn’t always follow him however. Very skeptical “believer”. Born in a Christian home, Church go-er thrice a week, camps in the winter, camps in the summer, prayers before dinner, and bedtime. He was everywhere… literally.

Like any youngest child brought into the world of lavishness, my mother insisted I had a wet wipe warmer, because that is the difference between clean and unclean. Discernment Reader! That’s sarcasm. It makes no difference. I believe I was born to test my parents and I made it my mission to, Then and Now. I rebelled, naturally. The Lord gifted them with big hearts!

Left the church, became a hoe, partied here and there and here again, and spent so much of my parents money! Oh my, so much money. I was turning into a hypocrite. At some point I turned a blind eye to Jesus so I didn’t have to feel guilty or shameful for my actions because that’s what I thought of him. He was nothing, but the disciplinary parent. Cracked the whip, commanded desolation, to the lake of fire for you!

How many offenses did I justify? It’s easier, more convenient to not look father in the eyes and tell him… “I have sinned.” Honestly, I die to self daily now and the repentance process was easier with Jesus than it can be with my biological father.

My perspective, the PERFECTION PRESSURE is immense in our Global Corporate Culture.

What I often forget is that his LOVE is unconditional. This topic is controversial, but think about it. When someone is so stubborn, so unapologetic, refusing to admit fault, we say we hate them, but the reality is we’re so mad at the consequence of the break up, the split, the ended friendship that we desolate any kind of revival. Could it be that the Lord hates the individual because of our own stubbornness that he’s forced to enforce the consequence?

My dad’s love is unconditional, but let me tell you it doesn’t come so easy. He’s got standards, he’s got expectations, he’s got conditions in which us children were supposed to live our lives, however, no matter what happens he’s there for the aftermath. He’s there for the solution, the healing, the maturing, my dad has endurance man! Remember, I’ve been sent to test his waters and he can honestly say that I do that. I nicknamed the man Darwin for crying out loud. Because he’s my butler. I’m like a female Archer. My mom in my phone is Woodhouse and I should really think about changing that one day…

Parents are forgiving… when you ASK for it. Remember, to forgive is for you not for the recipient, so why hold that burden for the one who created us? Let them, both God and parents forgive us, forgive others, and move on. Live Again.

I was thirty-three when I first read anything in the Bible. As a child, I knew the songs, I knew “some” verses - could never really remember them though. Or lyrics to songs for that matter, I’m the worst at Karaoke! I was teased consistently when reading out loud as a child, was that a plan?

I started with the book of Daniel. Wow, what an amazing character of consistent faithful integrity. I have to admit it helped me shift my gears. No more white lies to avoid hurting one’s overly offensive feelings. Seems we can’t say or do anything these days without someone somewhere commenting on it. So much disagreement. Why? Because it’s better to be right than to be righteous? Isn’t that ideology taught? Be smart, not nice. Be brilliant and you can treat anyone how’d you like. Be rich and answer to no one. How do we learn this stuff if it’s not taught? Why was this my perspective? I mean, I was a bully, I was prideful.

Why is PRIDE on a pedestal? I thought Kevin Spacey killed her. More books of the Bible followed, but my favorite, oh my favorite thus far is Genesis. I love that beginning so much so I’m painting it and taking my sweet time with her. How beautiful to be molded from the dirt of the Garden of Eden by YHWH. Being short a rib myself, the irony of Eve gets me to laugh. Then there's Abraham, Sarah, Issac, Jacob (Israel), Esau, Rachel, then Joseph. Joseph was something - no pedestal low enough for him, a dreamer, an eager playful child, but bullied and misunderstood.

You see Joseph had the ability, a gift, to discern dreams. See things like Tony Shalhoub in Monk. Observant. Spoiled, but far from a quitter. Twenty years in prison and still rose to the top as an Official in Egypt. True story. Karnak recognizes him. Egyptology recognizes the Temple of Karnak as their ancient history from the 5th Millennia to the 4th century AD. I relate to Joseph the most being the youngest on my fathers side, cousins in all. Spoiled, bullied, imprisoned, a dreamer. Ha! I have a tattoo on my left arm that labels me as such, Reverie. Is it time for me to wake up?

I believe everything happens for a reason because of Joseph. Without his gift, Egypt wouldn’t have made it through a seven year drought and famine. Without Joseph the Canaanites wouldn’t have come to Egypt seeking resources, also shown on Karnak. Without Joseph, Exodus wouldn't have been written. Genesis is at the front of the Bible for a REASON. The LORD God is showing us how faith works, how to trust Him, how He challenges us to demonstrate his faithfulness, and how to communicate with Him. It’s all there like the Never Ending Story, a living book that comes to life so we can have the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxies!

There’s 7.9 Billion people in the world which means there will be 7.9-ish billion perspectives of the Bible. The bible can be read, it can be studied, but most importantly it can speak to you. Oh yes, it’s a living book. His word ETERNAL. The LORD God created us, you don’t think he can preserve His number one best seller? You don’t think he knows how to speak directly to you?

His Word is so beautiful I don’t know how I missed it. I believe I was teased for a reason. I never read much of anything after that. Truly, to show up to Book Club without reading the Book has just been awkward for me. How many Church experiences are the cause of disbelief? If you’ve recently read A Word for the Cure then get ready as I begin this uprooting process with Yeshua. Deep breaths, forgiveness, and don’t give up!

Baby Steps. Even babies can find hidden Easter Eggs on resurrection morning, am I right? They know the eggs are filled with goodness, prosperity, and blessings. My cousin used to put the most expensive eggs at the bottom of the pool to see who would dare to jump into the deep waters for the hidden mystery. Am I ready to jump?

Check out my other posts to see the first baby steps in action. It’s quite a journey!



Photo Taken on 7/21/16 at 4:38pm in Los Feliz, Los Angeles - "Baby Steps w/ River"

Various Authors Noted in Bibliography

Associations for Biblical Research

August 25, 2021



August 25, 2021

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